CHANGE
They say “the only constant in life is change”.
It is completely and utterly inevitable but can be a great source of anxiety and discomfort.
We read a lot about how embracing change and welcoming it with open arms is THE key to contentment (maybe even happiness), it’s also what makes us progressive and unprejudiced. That’s what I strive for and I know a lot of others do too.
As I am stepping into a new era of Dani (the coach), a new career and therefore a new reality, I want to talk about change and how to navigate it.
Homeostasis
I’ve always considered myself someone that is adaptable and naturally open-minded towards change - zero doubts…
Over the past year or so I’ve encountered several major transitions in my life and whilst all are positive, I found myself in an abyss of anxiety the likes of which I hadn’t experienced in years. Heart palpitations, depressive pits, the lot. I had to stop, breathe and consciously listen to my internal narrative - and what I found was this:
Perhaps I wasn’t quite as open to change as I thought; there seemed a natural resistance in me to not only accept change but also make changes and adapt behaviour that was causing me unease and ultimately stifled me moving forward. A lot of this happened unconsciously, I was in turmoil without quite knowing why - my body’s response was to slap me in the face with anxiety and physical sensations, making me aware that there’s something I NEED TO LISTEN TO.
Whilst going down an emotional rabbit hole trying to figure out what was “wrong” with me I came across something called “homeostasis” (thank you fourth edition of Co-Active Coaching) - a “natural often subconscious resistance to change”.
Confronting the internal narrative
Phew - ok, so what now?
Whilst the feeling of being ‘faulty’ was fading, as apparently change aversion is quite a natural human response, I still had to figure out how to make myself better again.
“Change requires expenditure of energy” and that - to me - means attending to my internal voice, really listening in on what thoughts I have and questioning if these thoughts are true.
It also means meeting myself with acceptance and self-compassion. Important inquiries seemed to be:
How has this change affected me?
What do I need to tweak to accept this change?
What do I need to change to become unstuck?
What is in the way of me changing things?
Do I need to upgrade my views here and challenge the status quo?
And how on earth do I do all of that?
Personally, I find huge relief and insight by picking up a pen and downloading my brain onto paper. It’s quite magnificent how well this works. It can be quite draining but necessary in fact checking the storyline that builds up in my head overtime.
I also find evidence against any unhelpful statements and remind myself that I AM NOT MY THOUGHTS. (This is also true for you!)
This isn’t easy but I guess no one said it was going to be easy to sail the seas of life and master the changes that come with it.
However, the awareness of change requiring our innate attention is already a battle half won. From this awareness we can take action; taking action we take charge of our lives (vs just letting it happen).
So what’s the point of this little essay about change?
There are a few:
To highlight that we are in control of how we respond to change.
That paying attention to our internal narrative is key to navigating change.
That we all have access to the lighthouses guiding the way, i.e. acceptance and self-compassion, we just need to turn them on.
Slide into my dms if you want to ride those waves of change without drowning - what are you waiting for?
