THE RECOVERING PERFECTIONIST

Perfectionism…is like being visited by this little demon sitting on your shoulder, whispering constant criticism in your ear and making you question your every move.

It is driven by the fear of failure and judgment, leading to stress, anxiety, and a constant sense of dissatisfaction.

For what feels like forever, I believed that being perfect was essential for success, for being liked and appreciated personally and professionally, for having value. A mindset that slowly erodes content-ness, happiness and physical and mental well-being.

This little demon, which I’m desperately trying to become friends with, came knocking on my door - hard - during what I can only describe as a whirlwind first half of 2024, which led me to take a hiatus from my business and coaching and tend to all the other main events on my list of all lists.

As I resurface, I want to share how I navigated these months, the challenges I faced, and the lessons I learned.

Recognising the need for change

I started this year with a task list looking something like this:

  • Set up my coaching business

  • Coach as many clients as possible

  • Work part-time

  • Attend my coaching course and study

  • Travel

  • Celebrate my 40th birthday

  • Plan a wedding 

  • Get married

  • Complete my first course assignment 

All crammed into 6 months.

I wanted to do it all and, of course, do it perfectly. Fast forward about 3.5 months in, I realised I was slipping back into old mindsets and habits I had previously decided to ban from my life. My stress levels were approaching “constant under-eye-twitch” and “palpitation” territory.

It became clear that I needed to cut out activities that weren't tied to firm deadlines (those pesky self-imposed ones). By doing this, I was able to take better care of myself and indirectly my clients, who wouldn’t benefit from a stressed and exhausted coach with bags under her eyes, not knowing which day of the week it is.

I honoured my boundaries, prioritised my mental and physical well-being, and still achieved A LOT - say what?

But How?

The first step was acceptance. I had to admit that my perfectionism was still an issue (I was convinced I had it in check), that it’ll likely require life-long attention, and that maybe I needed to become pals with it.

I began to shift my mindset from seeking perfection to striving for growth. I learned (and still learning) to not only set realistic goals but also to not get thrown by detours and having to adjust timelines for these goals.
Celebrating progress, no matter how minute. I’m not sure why I’m still surprised but practicing self-compassion was a game-changer yet again. Instead of berating myself for mistakes, I started treating myself with the kindness and understanding usually reserved for the cutest of puppies.

Seeking support was also crucial. The perks of doing a coaching course - being coached regularly - provided me with tools to manage my perfectionist tendencies, and connecting with others who faced similar struggles made me feel less of a fraud. Also speaking about it to friends and family, telling them exactly what I needed.

Life as a Recovering Perfectionist:

Truth bomb and a bit of a bummer: recovery is an ongoing process.
Dani from two years ago would have been a stressy mess of a person, with all the side effects that come with it, and ploughing ahead anyway until the point of no return - physical and mental breakdown.
Dani today can hear the demon…sorry, old acquaintance…coming from miles away (mostly) which lets her handle challenges in a manner that is calm and cool (mostly), leaning into IMperfection and still succeeding.

And I can only put this down to the continuous work I’ve been doing on myself over the last few years.

Managing perfectionism has been one of the most challenging yet rewarding journeys of my existence.

If you’re struggling with similar issues, know that you’re not alone, and change is possible. Embrace imperfections—they are the flavour that makes your special sauce, that make you not only unique but human.

Work with me:

I can help you unpack your challenges and train a different mindset. I can facilitate you starting to do the work to live a healthier, more balanced life without being stuck in a constant stress response and perfectionism trap. C’mon, slide into my dms.